I have always been awful at making decisions. I am so bad that I usually flip a coin to decide where to eat if we go out and I am forced to decide. I am so bad that I usually have a pile of 3-4 outfits on the bed and dresser every morning because I don't know what I want to wear. I am so bad that going shopping takes hours just to find a white blouse. I remember once around Easter when I was maybe 12 and my mom took me to the store to buy something with my babysitting money. I was so excited! My mom proceeded to get our groceries and left me to make my decision. She checked on me several times and I still hadn't decided which stuffed bear I wanted. I just couldn't choose between the blue one and the pink one because I didn't want to leave the other one all alone. I ended up closing my eyes and picking a hand of my mom's in which she was touching one of the bears; I got the blue one and was happy to take it home with me but I cried that I couldn't take the other one.
Why do I bring this up today? Well, I have to make a couple of decisions this week. Both are professionally related and impact not only me, but also my co-workers and my husband. One decision came to me yesterday regarding Wyoming Writing Project and a future endeavor with our directors and me in my school district. This one decision was a super easy and ecstatic YES! The other decision is much more difficult. A job has opened up that I would love to take and actually had discussed applying for in two or three years when I thought it would open. However, due to staff changes, it is open now. I would love to apply and accept it because it is something I enjoy, but I don't know if it is time to step out of the classroom yet. I don't know if I can leave students and parents whom I know I will be working with next fall. I don't know if I can leave my teammate. I don't know if I have the stamina for this other position even though I dipped my toes in the job a bit this year. Before spring break, I was all ready to say yes and apply. When I got home, I didn't want to leave the classroom. Yesterday, I wanted to apply. This morning, a student begged me to stay in the classroom so he could come see me next year after he starts in junior high. This afternoon, I felt like I was ready to apply again. I just am on the fence. The job closes next Tuesday, so I will be spending the next several days praying and making lists to weigh out the pros and cons of each choice. Tonight, though, I am going to do yoga and drink some wine.