Friday, July 14, 2017

I did it!

Part of being in the Wyoming Writing Project is sharing writing with others. This was very hard for me, but I did it. Now, I am still trying to be brave and get feedback on my writing which is why I started writing more on this blog. However, it's not enough because right now, basically only friends and family are reading it. I get feedback on Facebook but not here which is fine. I want more feedback than that, so I took a HUGE step and posted a story on Gae Polisner's blog today asking for feedback from her and another author, Josh Funk. They are part of Teachers Write which I am participating in to continue daily writing.

Because I value my friends' opinions as well, I decided to post the same short story here so you can enjoy it (or not) and give me feedback as well. If you choose to give feedback, please do so on here. Also please follow these guidelines:

The Feedback should be specific and go like this:

  • WHAT WORKS? (and why);
  • WHAT MIGHT NOT BE WORKING if anything (and why) and
  • ARE YOU COMPELLED TO KEEP READING? (Since this is a short story and ends after six paragraphs, you won't feel compelled to keep reading, but I would love to know how you liked the end.)
Now here it is: The Diner

Hanging out on a Wednesday night at a diner. Yep. That’s right--a diner. “Why,” you ask. Why not? It’s not like I have anything better to do. So, I’m here, blending in, hoping no one notices me. This place is great for that! Being anonymous. Tourists appear like clockwork. Tourists pop in whenever the mood strikes. No one seems to notice anyone. But I do. I see them all.
Sally sits at table 63 with her husband and granddaughter Rose. He isn’t always here but the girls are. Sally is raising Rose because her parents were deemed unfit. She’s a happy girl despite her circumstances. I am still trying to figure how Sally eats because she has no teeth!
Oh look! A man just walked in. He is definitely new here. He looks lost standing with his jean shorts up to his chest and a spotless white t-shirt tucked in. He makes a to go order and then ambles around the diner in his black velcro shoes and white knee high socks taking in all the carved wooden artwork. He gets close enough that I’m sure he can see me. Thankfully Staci brings him his food and he leaves. I’m still invisible!
Herb and Betty sit silently staring at each other in booth 11. Betty drives Herb here every Tuesday. He used to work at the diner. She hopes he will remember her if they come back to the place of their first date on the same day of the week over fifty years ago. I hope some day he will.
What is happening? Behind me all I hear is laughter and loud voices. Are you kidding me?! Definite visitors. Regulars are never that obnoxious. I mean, c’mon! Someone said something about bananas. They don’t serve bananas here! I slowly spin around; sure enough five gals gossiping and having the time of their lives. I stare, waiting for them to hush up. They manage to quiet down when their food arrives but the noise steadily increases again as they finish their meals. Then, can you believe it?! They linger and keep chatting! Let’s go ladies! You need to leave. At the Sky, we enjoy a peaceful atmosphere.

When the girls finally walk out the door, I breathe a sigh of relief. It’s quiet again. I decide I need to head home as well. I’m exhausted. Keeping an eye on everyone sure wears me out. I need to rest on my silk pillow so I can catch more juicy bits tomorrow. I climb up my invisible web before walking along the plastic leaf as I had to my home at the bottom of the wicker basket centered on the wall in the middle of the diner.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing. I wasn't sure I liked the voice in the beginning, and I didn't like the punctuation. But I kept reading and was so pleasantly surprised by the ending....and then my uncomfortableness with the beginning made perfect sense! I love it!